June 22, 2016

So, once again we are left frustrated by a limp performance by our footballers while the country next-door stormed gloriously to the top of the group.

But it appears it’s not just goal-scoring at which we suck- big time.

According to the girls at GCHQ our boys are also not scoring in the fitness stakes.

As the clock ticked towards kick off last night, the girls started judging the players by their facial features instead of their foot-work.

But just like Roy’s team – it didn’t work out well.

We started with the goalkeepers and worked our way through the defenders to the midfield players and the strikers.

Here is a selection of the reactions (the ones we can publish):

  • Fraser Forster  – “Looks like his face is going to cave in …”
  • Joe Hart – “Absolutely not for me”
  • Tom Heaton – “Next …  “
  • Nathanial Clyne – “Dodgy, receding hairline … “
  • Kyle Walker – “They’re getting better … “
  • Ryan Bertrand – “Beautiful eyes, but looks short … “
  • Danny Rose – “Not for me … “
  • Gary Cahill – “Looks like he’d give you the worse chat-up line in a club … “
  • John Stones – “Next please, is this going to get any better?”
  • Chris Smalling – “Keep going … “
  • Eric Dier – “Terrible hair … “
  • Jack Wilshire – “Looks like he’s got banter … “
  • Jordan Henderson – “Elf ears … “
  • Dele Alli – “Why does he look scared … ?”
  • Wayne Rooney – (Laughs loudly)
  • Raheem Sterling – *Right swipe*
  • Daniel Sturridge – “ERGH – terrible dance.”
  • Harry Kane – “Noooooo, just nooo … “
  • Adam Lallana – “Nice looking but is he old enough to drink…?”
  • Jamie Vardy – “That’s Golum right?”
  • Marcus Rashford – “Cute, deffo right swipe …”
  • James Milner – “No, looks like he should be playing rugby?”
  • Ross Barkley – “He looks like the ‘Oooh’ mouth-open emoji?”

On a positive note, one of the GC girls who was an avid ‘football hater’ has now bought into what she’s decided is the not-so-beautiful game.

And she spent last night shouting “Come on receding hair line, we’ve got this!”

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